After being presented with ceremonial flag at Crownsville Veterans Cemetery, grieving family was told they couldn’t keep it

“We are not at peace with my father’s farewell,” stated Andrea Blackstone. “In fact, we still do not have a flag.”

The American flag that was presented to Blackstone’s family during the funeral of her father, Alfred Blackstone, Sr., a veteran of the U.S. Air Force, was then taken away – the family was told the flag was “a loaner.”

The funeral was held at Crownsville Veterans Cemetery in January 2021, which is one of five, state veterans cemeteries under the management of Maryland Department of Veterans Affairs (MDVA).

According to Blackstone’s brother, Alfred Blackstone, he went directly to Crownsville Veterans Cemetery to plan the funeral and no one told him the family needed to request to keep the flag – he said he was given a form to fill out but there was nothing on it about a flag.

“I assumed we’d get a flag,” he said. “When we were having the ceremony in the chapel, that’s when they told me we would not be getting a flag. If I had known, I would’ve just bought a flag.”

To make matters even more disconcerting, the flag was presented to one of the youngest members of the family – Andrea’s son, Tyler Stallings, who was 9-years-old at the time.

Stallings was very close with his grandfather and that relationship prompted him to help other veterans – his work has been featured by many media entities, including CNN, People Magazine, Good Morning America, Fox News and CBS News.

In April of this year, on what would have been her father’s 94th birthday, Blackstone posted about the flag incident on Facebook and emailed Delegate Dana Jones.

“My son is 11 and has been extremely upset about the incident,” wrote Blackstone. ” I am writing this email to also raise awareness about any potential families who could avoid an issue such as ours. I hope that a resolution can be achieved to have a few extra flags on hand, or a plan to better resolve oversights that could occur at veteran ceremonies.”

When her father was in the hospital prior to his death, Blackstone said the country was still in the midst of the pandemic – she and her son had to say goodbye to him over the internet.

Then came the funeral where the flag can be a cherished symbol of military service for family members of veterans – most often, the final one for many.

“When a veteran passes away, the next-of-kin should have a flag as a keepsake to remember him or her, after it is folded during the funeral service,” stated Blackstone. “If a flag is not requested ahead of time because of an oversight for any reason, what can be done to prevent future mistakes? I would like to propose a way to support grieving family members better. If a few flags remain onsite at veteran cemeteries for situations such as these, perhaps we can avoid future incidents. I was not involved with the planning aspect of the ceremony, but I made it known on-site that I did want my son to have the folded flag. I would have been happy to help with paperwork while our family was at the cemetery, if I had an option to lend a hand. We also had a flag at home. If I had known our dad did not have one that we could keep, I would’ve brought it with us. I understand policies, but this experience reminded me that thanking a veteran for his or her service should not end this way. We should do better to honor them. Whatever paperwork was not submitted was beyond my dad’s control. What I do recall is all of the times that he told me how proud he was to have served in the military. I believe that a folded flag is an honorable testament of a commitment to that legacy.”

During the holidays, Blackstone and her son visited the cemetery.

“As you can see in one of the photos, my dad (Tyler’s grandfather) was blessed to receive a wreath recently around the holidays,” explained Blackstone. “That’s why I appreciate what Wreaths Across America did so Tyler could process someone positive happening after the flag incident. He couldn’t say goodbye to his grandfather in-person, so it was already a touchy situation. By the way, dad was his only grandparent.”

Regarding this flag issue, Dana Burl, the public information officer for MDVA, scheduled a telephone interview with this reporter, then cancelled the interview shortly before it was to take place and asked for questions in writing, which were provided. She replied should would have comments by noon two days later.

Two days later, an email was received from Burl that stated, “I wanted to give you an update: I was out of the office all day yesterday. I am now working on your information as requested.  Will do what I can to have a quote today.  If you’re available for a call later today to discuss your questions, please let me know.”

Burl stated the call was to be a “background conversation” – in other words, nothing she would say could be quoted.

Ten minutes into the call, this reporter stopped it and again, asked Burl to send comments that could be quoted – shortly thereafter, this reporter sent an email to Burl stating the only thing needed was a comment from MDVA Secretary Woods.

The email stated, “To reiterate, the person that was presented the flag at Crownsville Veterans Cemetery was Tyler Stallings, age 9. Then it was taken away. Does Secretary Woods have any comments about that? Does he have any words he’d like to convey to Tyler/the Blackstone family?”

On the next business day, a statement from Burl, not Woods, was received, which reads:

“The Maryland Department of Veterans Affairs cemetery program provides committal services, burials, and perpetual cemetery care in Maryland’s veterans cemeteries. The program works with funeral homes and families to ensure the dignified burial of Maryland veterans and their dependents—included is the responsibility to ensure that grieving families are provided with information to arrange for an honor guard and request flags for veterans’ funerals.  

In January 2022, the department updated its burial request forms to help provide more detailed information for the day of committal services. In doing so, the department acted to help both funeral homes and families by providing clear expectations concerning internment procedures, with the supreme objective to provide greater peace of mind for families in mourning. The department is and has always been available to help support families with any questions or concerns about the process.

Within days of learning about the 2021 matter concerning SSGT Blackstone’s burial flag, the department was in contact with Delegate Dana Jones to review and immediately achieve a resolution. While the department regrets that SSGT Blackstone’s family has been without his burial flag for more than two years, we hope that providing a more expedient resolution will provide some measure of comfort and closure to his family while honoring his legacy of service.”

That “resolution” is to send a flag in the mail to the family, according to Blackstone who’s been in contact with the office of Jones.

In other words, there’s been no call from MDVA, no apology, no explanation how the flag incident was allowed to happen and no protocol relayed to the family over concerns it can happen to other families.

“I think that’s insulting,” said Blackstone. “I’m not satisfied with that response.”

This reporter also reached out to the press secretary and director of communications for Governor Moore, as well as to the press secretary of Congressman John Sarbanes.

Within two hours of sending the email to Sarbanes office, his press secretary responded with a call and his office began working to find out what happened.

“For every family grieving a veteran who served honorably in the military, the burial flag is a memory of their loved one’s service and a symbol that our country shares in their loss,” stated Congressman Sarbanes. “They deserve clarity around the procedures for committal services and burials at veterans’ cemeteries in Maryland and across the country. I will continue working at the federal level to ensure families like SSGT Blackstone’s have the clear guidance and answers they need to mourn and find peace.”

Governor Moore’s office has not responded and no comment from Woods has been provided – both Governor Moore and MDVA Secretary Woods are veterans of the U.S. military.

While the flag incident happened before Moore was elected governor and Woods was appointed as MDVA secretary, both are in power now.

It’s not just answers the Blackstone family wants, they want to ensure the takeback of the flag doesn’t happen to other families and they’d like an apology.

“We can’t change the past but we can hopefully prevent this happening to another family,” said Alfred Blackstone.

HIs sister, Andrea, stands firm in the same conviction.

“I wanted something publicly done because this isn’t just about dad – it’s about any other veteran and/or family members who’ve endured any type of incident such as this,” said Blackstone.

She wrote on Facebook, “If we need to donate flags, I will make that happen. No family should have to return a ‘loaner’ flag. Our veterans deserve better.”

As for Stallings, he too shared some thoughts.

Donna L. Cole is an award-winning investigative and multimedia reporter. She’s also a U.S. Navy veteran.

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Update (5/5/2023) – Andrea Blackstone confirmed Secretary Woods called today and spoke with her and her brother. She said Woods apologized, he has the flag that was used, they will be scheduling a flag ceremony and he will be changing the policy that created this issue

According to Maryland Department of Veterans Affairs, “Secretary Woods is heartbroken by what has transpired, and is currently working with the family to ensure an appropriate ceremony is scheduled at a time convenient to them to honor SSGT Blackstone’s service.”